Anxiety - 'What does it mean to me?'

General Definition:

Anxiety - a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

Anxiety can represent a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Sometimes the term is used so frequently I think the meaning and magnitude can get lost. 

For me anxiety can control my everyday life. I find it easier to tell people I suffer from anxiety and depression because that is the short non-complicated explanation which doesn't lead to too many questions and explanations. Its not that I don't want to share my experiences (I do have this blog after all) its that my experiences are specific to me and my experience of anxiety will seem completely alien to another who also suffers. 

Also, trying to cover all the areas that anxiety affects me can sometimes even cause me difficultly as I cant always pinpoint it down to one type of symptom or trigger . 

For me anxiety feels like a surging panic, sometimes I don't even know why I feel panicky I just do. Other times I am very aware of a trigger that has caused my symptoms. It can be something that has been on my mind for some time that has just hidden beneath the surface of my thoughts, an event that has happened recently, something that is going to happen in the future and my concerns towards it, something someone has said, an insecurity etc.

Completing simple tasks can seem like climbing a mountain and trying to explain how I am feeling is like deciphering some muddled language in my brain. I get a really tight chest and struggle to breath, which can actually sometimes feel like I'm about to have a heart attack - not that I would know but its how I would imagine it would feel. I can also feel dizzy and very emotional and pick my skin (which is one of the most destructive symptoms I have, and I will talk about this again in another post). 

Aside from picking, one of the worst symptoms I have is I cant focus on one thought in my head at a time. It feels like someone is pressing fast forward through a days worth of thoughts and one after the other things keep popping in my head. It can actually make me feel quite unstable as I cant focus on anything and everything feels very overwhelming and un-manageable. There have been a few times where I have thought I have been losing my mind. To some this may sound over dramatic but that is how it feels to me. 

I deal with my anxiety in different ways, not always successfully, but that's life. I find talking about it with my boyfriend, family or friends helps relieve some of the tension I'm feeling. Sometimes I just need to discuss a worry I have and get some reassurance. I also find exercise does my anxiety wonders. Getting some adrenaline pumping really does help relieve tension, not just in the body but also the mind too. And as a bonus you feel good about yourself because you've done some exercise!!

I guess the worst scenario is having an anxiety attack when you are alone and what to do. 
If I can get out the house and do some exercise that's great. If not, I play with my dog. Animals are amazing for anxiety suffers. Since I have had a dog I swear I don't have as many panic attacks because even if I am worrying about something the "wagging tail" immediately distracts me. Other than that I try listen to calming music, watch a film that I love, read a book, write in my diary, clean the house (sadly I have a bit of OCD and I find cleaning weirdly satisfying) or I text/call a friend. 

For anyone that suffers from anxiety I know it can seem overwhelming and quite frightening, but I can promise you as with any episode, it will end, It will go away. You just need to try and relieve some of the tension., The things I do might not necessarily work for someone else, the key is to find what works for you and stick to it. Persistence is key with anxiety- you have to work at it, like you would do with your body at the gym or when revising for a big test. Don't ever give up! 

If you really struggle to find ways to help ease your symptoms I really do recommend getting professional help, whether that be your local doctor or through a mental health charity or group. Its taken me a while to get where I am now, and I have sought help from various places. Its not perfect, but its definitely manageable. 

Stay Strong 

-X-